Thursday, April 18, 2013
WEGO Health Activist Writers Challenge Day 18 (I take it back)
Today's topic is to "Write about a time that you lashed out at someone close to you because of frustration/fear/anger resulting from your health condition and you wish you could take it back. Forgive yourself and let it go."
"Forgive myself and let it go." These are words that don't come easy to me. I live with anxiety, I dwell on things, I spend too much time thinking about what I should, could or didn't do. I'm working on that a little bit everyday.
There have been times during this challenge to write about the past or stay current. I have chosen to stay current or focus on the future, I choose not to look back. There are a million things I would have done differently, said or not said, it won't change anything. I wish it could, I have learned living in the past is not healthy for me. Do I forgive myself for lashing out at times? I feel horrible when I do that, I try my best not to do it, sometimes the emotions of these diseases take over.
These illnesses can change who you are, being in pain day after day, getting no sleep doesn't always leave you chipper. I get up everyday with the intention of doing the best I can, sometimes along the way things change. Some days are better than others, I might laugh one minute and cry the next. I might be angry that I can't be somewhere I want to be, or contribute more to the household. Maybe I'm angry at the disease for invading my body, I'm not angry at you! Am I sorry and need to be forgiven? I don't know, you will have to ask the people around me who deal with me everyday.