Friday, January 11, 2013

Struggling

I have found myself struggling the past few days. Not only with what to write on here, but also in my everyday life. Tasks that I usually can accomplish fairly easily have become increasingly difficult.

This is nothing new to me. After having dealt with RA for so many years, I have had to overcome many obstacles at different times over the years.

Each time, I go through the same feelings of frustration, a little bit of anger, some sadness and eventually I get to the point of (excuse my language here) screw you RA! You are not going to beat me again!

My hands have been getting worse. Things that people take for granted, like opening and closing doors have become an issue for me. 


For example, I was stuck in the bathroom a couple of days ago. I can laugh about it now, but I wasn’t then. I couldn’t get out of the bathroom, because I couldn’t turn the handle on the door.
We are going to replace the knobs with lever handles as well as the faucets to make it a non issue.

I have had good times over the years. Times I have felt better than others and was able to work, exercise, have dinner with people, I was extremely sociable. I don’t like to use the word remission to describe those times. I just know that for short periods, I felt better than when I was in a full blown flare. Then for other periods, such as the period I’m in now and have been in now for at least 10 years.   Just being awake takes all of my energy. I struggle to take a shower, wash my hair, make something to eat.

I keep hope, I remember there are good days. I have had them. I search for every tool, gadget that there is out there, to help me keep my independence for as long as I can. 


I have learned the most important thing for me anyway, has been to mentally get myself out of the sadness and giving in stage of the RA, Sjogrens or whatever is bothering me at the time.

Instead I try to find some sort of solution to the problem. I am extremely thankful that I have access to the internet and sites like RA Warrior.  Friends I have never met who have chronic illnesses to support and get support from. I didn't have that when I was first diagnosed.

Now, my hope is for more doctors and researchers to work as hard for the solution to our health problems as hard as we do.

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