Monday, December 10, 2012

Stubborn, Proud, Independent?

All of those words have been used to describe me, my husband and my son have both been using them to describe me. In my opinion way too much recently.

I have always said my stubborn ways, have kept me fighting through every day of pain, fatigue. Every surgery, all of the sleepless nights. All of the times I have forgotten even the simplest of things, like going to the fridge and forgetting what I went there to get.

The days you feel alone, the days people look at you like you have two heads when you describe your illness. Like "they don't get it" because they probably don't. That's if they even bother to take the time to listen.

I believe being stubborn and independent has helped me through the worst of days. I have also come to believe it can be a bad thing at times.
I'm not one to ask for help, I have a handicap tag, I know it's there for me to use. I have foot drop from nerve damage after my knee replacement in 2010. That's another story for another day. 

Anyway, I can walk so I feel guilty using it, why? I don't know. My age maybe. I know I have the right to use it. I could use the motorized scooters in the stores, but I would rather exhaust myself than have people look at me. I don't know why, I wish I did. 

I think because I have fought so hard against this disease. I don't want to do anything that will seem like I am giving in to it, like I am giving up.

My hands are getting bad, that is where it all started 25 years ago.  I have started to look for something to help me with typing on my computer, so maybe that is giving in a little bit.

This past month I have allowed someone to come and help me with my housecleaning, a couple of times a month. I still do all the basic cleaning. I just can't do the heavy duty cleaning. I'm starting to realize that the energy I'm using on things like that. I could be using on enjoying 
time with my family, since my energy is limited as it is. 

Maybe there's hope for me yet!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate all of your comments. I try to answer all of them. Sometimes life takes over and I can't get to it right away. Please don't be offended. I would love for you to leave your blog address or social media links so I can follow you or contact you. Thanks again for taking the time to be a part of my life, you are awesome!